When I looked at the different parts of my life — career, health, relationships, spiritual practice, daily habits, and finances — and asked, “Is this really me?” there were some definite no's. I then began to wonder why I tolerated the incompatibilities. Why did I sell myself short and settle for something that wasn't necessarily all bad, but just wasn't me?
Some people think it’s a good thing to tolerate the parts of life they don’t like. I've realised that this isn't healthy. I recently read an article by Steve Pavlina (link below) entitled 'Tolerance is Resistance to Love'.
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2006/04/how-to-squash-negative-thought-patterns/
I really related to this article. I had allowed my life to veer off from what was really important to me, putting someone else's goals, needs and opinions above my own and settling for something that just wasn't me. My life had too many incompatibilities.
"When your external reality is out of sync with your inner self, your inner self will resist it. This creates the feeling of wanting to escape your circumstances. You may feel powerless to make big changes, but deep down you’ll still sense a strong desire to “get out” and leave parts of your reality behind. You’ll fantasize about quitting your job, moving out, or ending a relationship."
I didn't want to lose years of my life while surrounded by incompatible energies. Being with a very selfish person who didn't share my family ideals, whose primary motivation was money at the expense of a happy, functional home, just didn't sit right with me. I felt like I was drowning in frustration and unhappiness because I knew the person I was with would never really care about me as much as I cared about them, and my life would be full of false hopes for the future.
I have chosen to kick out the incompatible parts to create the space for a life I'm able to love and accept completely, even if that means going it alone and struggling a little whilst restructuring things a bit.
"When you boot the incompatibilities from your life, you raise your energy and your consciousness because you’re no longer stuck in a state of resistance. Now you feel relief and freedom. This opens the door to attracting and experiencing what you truly want."
Ending a relationship has brought massive relief to me and my son. So many people have commented on how changed my little boy has become. He is happy, talkative, confident, full of energy and more focussed on activities at nursery. His appetite is improved and he has so much consideration for others, asking how others are and sharing his treats. This improvement alone makes my decision worthwhile.
I wholeheartedly believe that by being myself, by upholding the ideals I consider important, by not tolerating incompatibilities and 'just settling', my life will be a lot more fulfilling and happy.
So, it's official - I'm a quitter! I have quit something that was a negative force in my life. I am now looking to the future and the various other aspects of my life to make sure they are all 'me'!
I can focus more time and energy on my little boy and bring him up in a loving environment. I'm doing a Psychology degree which is something I have wanted to do for a number of years. I'm working for a good employer in a job which I enjoy, and I can switch off from at the end of the day - my stress levels are low as a result and I'm able to pay the bills - bonus! Now there are no relationship expectations (e.g. the expectation for a significant other to give a damn) I am free to feel happy in myself, and I really do! I half expected to be down and depressed, but the effects of the emotional break didn't last long and now I'm focussed, happy and more confident than I have felt for a long time.
So, this is me saying goodbye to the old with love, so I can say hello to the new with love.
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